My prayer the other day was not particularly fulfilling: I was distracted nearly the entire time and found myself desiring to get out and take a walk with God. So that afternoon I threw on a pair of walking shoes and headed to a natural area that I had not been to in a few years. I read somewhere that you can make your walk more prayerful by designating a certain point on the trail as a gateway that takes you out of the world. I did just this as I passed under a branch on my way in.

The overcast sky gave the day a strange feeling. Everything seemed to act or look differently than I would expect, including me. I had not walked long when I came across a young lady sitting on a bridge over a creek; she looked peaceful and relaxed. I wondered: If I sat along the creek, would I become as peaceful as she looked. I felt led to a spot along the bank where I sat on the hard earth and did little more than enjoy my surroundings.

I watched the water flow as water-skimmers fought the current. I reclined against a tree and lost my thoughts as my eyes skimmed the various fauna. I breathed in unfamiliar scents as my fingers passed over blades of grass. I listened to sounds, many of which normally would have distracted or agitated me, but today they seemed to relax me and bring me joy: the water in the creek, the traffic in the distance, the squirrels chasing each other, other people exploring the woods.

I could not understand why everything there seemed to make me so happy that day. There was nothing extraordinary about it. In fact, there were plenty of unpleasant aspects of the trip: I slipped in a creek, walked into an untold number of spider webs, and overheard Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” being played by some fellow visitors to the nature park. My explanation for the peace and joy I felt that day is that it was a gift, and I type this reflection in gratitude for the grace of God.

I made my First Profession of Vows on August 15th. I had been feeling increasingly nervous over the four days leading up to the event and I became a bundle of nervous energy in the hours before the ceremony. As I was bouncing around the house attending to last minute preparations, I suddenly realized that I did not know how to put all the pieces of my habit together. So, less than two hours before the ceremony began, I was hopping around looking for someone to help me. God was good to me and sent me to Sr. Juana who helped me with a laugh and a smile.

Sr. Juana may have been too efficient, though, because I found myself with over an hour of free time before the ceremony, and I had little to do besides bounce off the walls. I spent some time talking with some of my Sisters and a member of our nursing staff (Gwen); they helped me to keep from jumping out of my skin. The Sisters told me stories about their vows ceremonies, and I found comfort in joining my nervousness in solidarity with the nervousness of those who came before me.

The ceremony itself was wonderful! A number of people have told me how special it was for them. Gwen, for example, told me that although she has attended a number of weddings, after seeing me profess my vows she thought, “Wow, now I have seen a wedding for the first time.” I did not have thoughts like this during my vows. Every time I had rehearsed my vows I nearly cried at the beauty of what I was choosing. I am not sure how to describe it, but it was like I felt as though I were joining with something immense. So, during my profession of vows I spent a great deal of time thinking about the logistics of my profession (voice clarity, the sequence of events, etc.) in order to keep from crying.

In moments when I was more relaxed, though, I became very aware of the depth of the beauty and joy that was welling inside me. It was a feeling that brought me peace and assurance in my decision. One such moment came during the homily when Monsignor Dennis O’Donovan began to quote the Beatles song “Let It Be.” This touched me in part because I had not chosen songs for the ceremony to match the scripture readings of the day, but rather songs that express some of my favorite scripture passages. I was not sure if this would work, but his homily beautifully tied together the last scripture reading of the ceremony to the next song that we sang. I mused on how the Holy Spirit was moving and leading me, Monsignor O’Donovan, and everyone else in that chapel. I rested in the wisdom of Mother Mary and the guidance of the Lord.

Last week I made my annual retreat. I spent six days at the Palisades Retreat Center on Puget Sound in Washington State. Everything about that place was peaceful: the water, the woods, the atmosphere. My room overlooked the back gardens where I had a view of the rose garden as well as the fountain just down the hill. I loved to open my window in the afternoon and listen to the water. One day I even saw a pair of ducks enjoying themselves in the fountain!

There was a schedule that offered opportunities for me to attend group prayer, Mass, meals, and conferences put on by our retreat masters. Everything on the schedule was optional, and it was brief. I attended almost everything, but since there were two different styles of group prayer offered in the morning, I usually only attended the first one. We watched a movie Thursday afternoon (“Tuesdays with Morrie”), and enjoyed wine, cheese, and other treats during the film. I spent the bulk of each day in prayer, reflection, and reading. I used the Spiritual Exercises of Ignatius of Loyola which gave me seven prayer exercises to enter into throughout the day. I also used The Star in My Heart by Joyce Rupp which engaged me in reflections, and inspired me to attempt to create Mandalas like the one above.

This time of prayer brought me peace, but this did not come without effort. I spent plenty of time each day practicing discipline and self-control in order to let go of distractions so that I could “listen” to God in prayer. Several days, my prayer led me to explore emotional anguish, and it was not always pleasant to sit with this pain as I let God heal my wounds. Towards the end of the retreat, a Reconciliation Service was offered, and it was exactly what I needed. I feel restored and more whole now. My heart rests in the certainty of feeling loved and wanting to share that love with everyone else.

As a Sister of St. Mary of Oregon, I believe that it is important to be involved with the ministries on our campus here in Beaverton. One way in which I do this is to visit Ruth, one of our residents at Maryville Nursing Home. I go over the Maryville once or twice a month to see her. She loves to iron, so usually I just sit and talk with her while she irons her clothes. When she is not feeling well I sit in her room and talk, laugh, cry, and pray with her. Sometimes we just watch TV, but even that involves quite a bit of laughter due to our added commentary.

Some days we play hooky from ironing and find something fun to do: visit her friends, sit in the garden, cut flowers, play the piano, etc. This last week Maryville was celebrating the Rose Festival. Four Rose Princesses were nominated from among the residents at Maryville, and one was crowned as the Rose Queen at a ceremony this Friday. Ruth and I talked Sr. Janet into attending with us. The three of us showed up fashionably late, but in plenty of time to grab some ice cream and strawberries and join with some of the other residents in the celebration!

I found myself at Maryville this Sunday so I decided to stop by and see Ruth, and I ended up stopping to talk to a number of residents on my way to her room and back. It was a joy to be able to bring joy into the lives of so many residents, but it was also hard for me to bear the sadness of so many people. They shared the frustrations and tears that come with the limitations of their lives, and I felt my own limitations as I realized that I could not fix what was wrong. It seems like it would be easier it they simply had problems because a problem can be solved. Instead they have difficulties, daily crosses to bear. This Sunday I found joy in lifting their loads for a little while.

Summer is here…sort of. This year my summer break spans the months of May and June, so I have already arrived at my halfway point, and am counting my blessings. I am marveling at the variety in our weather: warm, cold, windy, rainy, sunny, stormy…sometimes all on the same day. I am positively delighted that for the first time in a year I do not need to study for a test during my break from school. I enjoyed a few days at the beach doing very little beyond reading and walking along the beach (and I have had plenty of time since returning from the beach to ice down the muscles I overexerted during my walks).

It has been a treat to help out around the house with various projects such as gathering old TVs that need to be recycled, and helping out in the garden. I feel especially blessed to have time to reorganize my room after the chaos of this last semester. I have been sorting through my possessions to determine what I can do without, in order to live more simply. This entailed the larger than expected task of reorganizing and filing my various notes and reading materials so that they will hopefully be a valuable and accessible resource for me when I become a teacher.

I feel particularly blessed that I am able to spend more time in prayer, contemplation, and reflection as I prepare to make my first vows this August. It has been especially lovely to be able defer to the wisdom of my Sisters as well as the writings of the Saints on this matter. Apart from my spiritual preparation, I have also been having fun designing my invitations and programs for the event. All-in-all, this experience has been a joy, and I anticipate that it will be a continued delight in the approaching months!

It is a delight to be a Sister of St. Mary of Oregon…though this life is not without its challenges. As one of the newest members to this community, I am still learning the ropes. This weekend I was blessed with the opportunity to attend a weekend with women in the Northwest who are also going through the formation process in other religious orders. It was a treat to spend so much time with women my age as we shared our vision, our hopes, our wisdom, and our spirits.
We attended a workshop over the course of the weekend that was designed to draw us deeper into relationship with God so that we can better serve in our ministries. We shared in conversation and laughter (LOTS of laughter) over meals and long walks, watched “August Rush”, attended Mass, and a number of us learned how to play Rummikub. For me, the highlight was being able to reconnect with these women whom I had not seen since we got together last year. It brought me joy to be able to continue to develop these friendships.
As paradoxical as it might seem, bonding with women of different orders made me feel closer to the Sisters in my own community. I came home renewed and joy-filled, and have been sharing this energy with my Sisters. I have been sharing some of what I gleaned from this workshop: the notion of “graced companionship.” We are truly gifts to each other: loving, supporting, and helping each other in community on our faith journeys. I am overjoyed to have so many graced companions!

Well, it’s been a few months since I have found time to sit down and blog. These past few months have felt like a whirlwind of reading, studying, and taking tests. I have a full load of Theology courses on Science, Marriage, the Holocaust, and the Gospels. They are all interesting classes, especially my class on Religion and Science. The professor has been taking us through Alfred North Whitehead’s metaphysics which beautifully integrates science and religion (if you can understand it).

It hasn’t been all work and no play, though. I attended a special performance of Valley Catholic High School’s production of “Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat” where they served us amazing, technicolor refreshments. Then, last week a number of us Sisters went to St. Cecilia’s to watch Leonardo DeFilippis’ production of “Vianney.” It was a moving performance, and I was delighted to reconnect with so many of the parishioners.

This coming week I will be on Spring Break, during which time I plan on keeping up with my studies and projects around the house, taking time to relax and enjoy the Spring weather, and encountering God in prayer. Over the past few months I have been going to workshops on St. Ignatius’ Spiritual Exercises, and have been finding prayer to be even more enjoyable. It brings me joy to think that I will hopefully have more time to slow down, and be aware of God’s presence.

This morning a number of our Sisters woke up to the sound of our fire alarm. Thankfully there was no fire. The wind blew dust into our house and set off the alarm. Unfortunately, this has continued to happen throughout the day. The alarm blared every two minutes throughout the entire Mass this morning. Many of us found this distracting, but I am grateful that I found a delightful way to look at our plight.
I am currently taking a class on the Catholic Mass and have been assigned to write a paragraph about my observations on how the Holy Spirit is at work during Mass. Often the Holy Spirit is described as a wind, and the wind today was setting off an alarm that kept us alert, and prompted some people to action. We may have been distracted, but we were sharing an experience in common with one another that united us in a sense. Being attuned to the present moment and living in unity seem to be two goals of prayer that we were privileged to experience because of the wind this morning.
This reflection prompted me to notice how many times throughout the Mass we were called to be alert or called to action. For example, we prayed that God would help us to provide for others and to proclaim the Good News. Additionally, we had a visiting priest at Mass who said things a little differently which also kept us alert. I appreciated the fact that instead of saying, “The Lord be with you,” he would say, “The Lord IS with you.” This seemed to imply the dynamic nature of God through the Holy Spirit, and reminded me that God is present (with us and in us) in the moment and is calling us to be alert, to be ready this advent season, and to put our faith into action.

I had a fabulous Halloween this year. Some of the Sisters and I put on glow-bracelets and went to our school’s Halloween Carnival here on campus where several people thought that I was a high school student wearing a nun costume. We played games and met up with friends. Michael Francine and I screamed and laughed our way through the Haunted House, then treated ourselves to snow cones. I got my face painted with blue and purple swirls. The highlight of the evening was being the recipient of two guppies (as well as fish food and a gallon of distilled water, just to get me started).

On Saturday, we had a quiet morning of recollection. It was very peaceful. The past week had been so busy and full of nice that it was nice to be able to slow down and enjoy the silence. We even had a Holy Hour (or as some of us called it: Awesome Adoration!). We had candy out on the tables in the dining room, including delightful mini-Doves. My “Dove Promise” told me that I need to listen to people, so it was a good thing I cleaned my aural palate earlier in the day.
All in all, a pretty good weekend!

With school now well underway, I cannot help but reflect on all the fun I had this summer. My recreation seemed to kick-off officially when we went to Jesus Jamboree, a summer camp the Sisters host annually at Camp Howard. There I was able to lose track of time, eat more Cheetos than I thought was humanly possible, turn my fingers blue as we all tie-dyed shirts, and celebrate Mass overlooking Mt Hood.

In August we celebrated Community Days which was a wonderful time to see Sisters who I normally do not get see. We had time to gather in groups to discuss community issues and faith share. I experienced new prayers, some of which included song and dance. We ended the week with a trip to the Tillamook Forest Center and then to the Tillamook Cheese Factory for ice cream!

Towards the end of the month many of the Sisters went on an “Armchair Vacation” to Mexico. We watched “in-flight movies” about Mexico, ate fabulous food, made fun crafts, learned new facts, practiced a little Spanish, and saw a Mariachi band as well as Folklorico dancers. It felt almost as relaxing as a retreat, but with more fun and activities.

Finally, I was able to spend a weekend at a lake with my family. It is always a joy to see them; sometimes I forget how goofy we can be when we get together. As much as I enjoyed swimming, taking a boat ride, and playing cards with my family, it was in the hours we spent gathered around food and drink talking and laughing that I had the most fun.